im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
People in love make me want to vomit
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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