508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
