So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
