she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
