You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
