girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
