she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
