i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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