Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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