Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
