My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
