i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just found puke in my bra..
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
not ubering you a puppy
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
