I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
