I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
