please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
