As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
