I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
