She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Randomize
