I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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