last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
