so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
