I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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