Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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