What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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