I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
