This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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