I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
