There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
