she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
