I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
