It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
