so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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