You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I love you. Go after that dick
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
