I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
