In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Dignity is for republicans.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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