Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
