The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
