I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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