Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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