You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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