i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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