What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
