After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
