i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
