I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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