i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
