Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
