I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
