The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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