true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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