somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
