Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
