I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
