she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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