dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Girls should come with a carfax report
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
