I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
