my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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