If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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