Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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